How To Own A Human

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A collection of stories, poems, anecdotes and quotes about cats and for cats. Including the ‘Open Mew-niversity’ – a training course for cats who need to train their humans.

Read by Ellen Dryden and Brian Hewlett.

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To hear some audio clips from this book click on the players below:

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After dark – all cats are leopards

How to Own a Human is a selection of writings about cats and for cats. As well as stories and poems, it also includes rhymes, proverbs, fables and quotes plus instructions for cats on how to train their humans, a sort of ‘Open Mew-niversity’ course for felines.

Never use the scratching post your humans provide for you.
That’s the equivalent of eating processed cheese.

Ellen Dryden is an actor, writer and director working mainly for the stage and radio. She read English at Lady Margaret Hall, Oxford and after graduating she won a scholarship to the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art. Her first full-length play Harvest was staged at the Birmingham Repertory Theatre in 1981 and was subsequently performed at the Ambassador’s Theatre in London the following year. Since then she has written many plays for the stage and for BBC Radio. In the 1980s she became involved in running the Chiswick Youth Theatre on a voluntary basis. She is currently Artistic Director of the independent production company First Writes Radio.

Cat’s motto: “No matter what you’ve done wrong,
always try to make it look like the dog did it.”

Brian Hewlett has worked as a professional actor since 1959 in theatre, TV, film, and audio. His London  appearances have been at The Mermaid, Lyric Hammersmith, and Cambridge Theatre where he played Amos Hart in the musical Chicago. Touring and repertory work has included other musical performances, his favourite being the role of Tevye in Fiddler On The Roof. As well as playing hundreds of roles in Radio Drama, including the notorious Widmerpool in A Dance To The Music Of Time, he is perhaps more widely known as Neil Carter in The Archers.

Those that dislike cats will be
carried to the cemetery in the rain.

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Weight .12 kg

Music and Musicians

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1 review for How To Own A Human

  1. Michael Bartlett

    “This is a lively, entertaining audio CD, perfect for adults and children alike.”
    Francesca Watson – Cat Magazine

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